Quick check in:
How do you talk to yourself? Are you your own best friend or your biggest bully? Be honest.
The unworthiness epidemic has led a lot of us to be our biggest bully, a topic Julee Hunt covers in her book “You Are Worthy! Even When You Believe Otherwise.” The book explains how our world is experiencing an Unworthiness Epidemic where too many people have learned to believe they are "not enough".
Below is an excerpt of the tools available in her book that will teach us all to become our own best friend.
Use the TURNAROUND
Listen to your self-talk. When I consciously listened to mine, I was surprised to realize how negative it was. I was not very kind to myself. In fact, I was my own worst enemy. I wrote down those negative thoughts and used the TURNAROUND to make them positive so I could be my own cheerleader.
For example: "I'm dumb" became "I'm smart. In fact, I have 2 college degrees and a lifetime of wisdom in this brain." "I'm unworthy of huge success" became "I'm worthy of huge success, in fact it is my birthright." "I'm an idiot" became "I'm a genius and easily find creative solutions to problems."
Be Your Own Best Friend - Fire Your Inner Bully
Would you let you best friend talk to you the way you talk to yourself?
If negative self-talk is your norm, I hope your answer is a resounding "NO". It is not OK to berate yourself or let anyone else do it either. This is your Inner Bully talking and she is verbally abusive. When I hear my Inner Bully talking, I checkin with my Inner Wise Women and ask, "Is this true?" She typically tells me, "NO this is not true." That is a sure sign that it is time to fire my Inner Bully.
Have an attitude of gratitude
It is impossible to be negative and grateful at the same time. If you are feeling negative, sit down and write down 5 to 10 things you are grateful for. This dissipates negativity and negative self-talk quickly.
I'm grateful for the roof over my head that keeps me warm in cold weather, cool in hot weather and dry during rain.
I'm grateful for the beautiful flowers in my yard that provide a bountiful feast for my eyes.
I'm grateful my legs can take me on walks in nature because nature fills my soul.
I'm grateful there is enough money to pay our bills, save for vacations and to give to others in need.
I'm grateful we have healthy food on the table everyday.
Shutdown your "Shoulds" and change them to "Coulds"
It is never a good idea to "should" all over yourself yet we do it all the time. “I should workout more often. I should think before I speak. I should have been more kind to the store clerk. I should live within my budget.”
The word "should" makes you feel less than and is filled with shame and guilt. Replace "should" with "could" and see how much different it feels. I could workout more often. I could think before I speak. I could be more kind to the store clerk. I could live within my budget. Could sounds much kinder and filled with possibilities.
Tell a New Story
Sometimes we get stuck in our story. Have you ever had a friend that was still complaining about the husband that left them 10 years ago? Time for her to write a new story about how grateful she is that her husband left her because she met her soul-mate and is living in wedded bliss.
Letting go of that old story opens the door for a new love, a new life, and happier way of being.
Change the Way you look at things (aka Change your focus)
Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." One of my favorite and most life-changing quotes.
Early in my marriage I used to get really irritated with my husband for all kinds of little things. Maybe he left the toilet seat up, or put the toilet paper roll on the wrong way, or left his clothes on the floor. Guess what else he did? A million things well! He went to work everyday to provide for our family. He cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. He made dinner on the weekends. He put away the folded laundry.
My focus was on silly things that really won't matter when I am laying on my deathbed. Think about it - when you focus on all the things that are going wrong, what do you get? More things going wrong because that is the only thing in your field of vision. When you focus on all the things going right, what do you get? More things going right. When I decided to change the way I looked at my husband and focus on his strengths, my irritation went away.
You can purchase Julee’s book on Amazon here: